A Thought For A Thursday

There’s this unexplainable imposter syndrome that I feel with my creativity and place in this world. A colleague of mine asked me if I’d want to read some of my writing at a benefit to raise money. And I stopped in my tracks and froze. He was asking me? Why me? Then On top of that another writer friend sent me a link to submit something for a magazine. I am overwhelmed. I have friends and colleagues who come to me and praise me for my writing and the art that I create. Yet in those moments there’s this sense of embarrassment or like I’m bracing myself for this prank or lie that is going to be revealed later. How do they see this side of me when I can barely catch a glimpse in the mirror?

My best friend humbled me a week or so ago in our biweekly check in. She called me out and said I’m scared of change. “You’re scared of the potentiality that your title will change when you become a published author.” She is so right about that. I am scared of this leaving this “pre-determined” path that I am on to purse the true path that I only dreamt of. There’s always been this lack of faith within me, yet when I was a 13 year old girl running a creative writing club and writing my own novels she never even opened that box. It was never an option to lack that confidence you just lived it. Even then I knew I was this unconventional and untraditional woman but what happened? How did she drop her pen and lose faith in herself.

The universe is telling me, Mallakah, you still have a chance to thrive with the skill you prize the most. You must push yourself to want it and accept it.